ON A SEARCH FOR INSPIRATION

 

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RUDDERLESS

For three days, which were free of any appointments or other obligations, I have been drifting… wandering… bored… uninspired… lazy!

I feel like I am a sailboat listlessly cruising through the day. My sails are loosely flapping and I float aimless, rudderless… with no destination or goal in sight.  It is as if my brain is asleep while I am up and about the house and yard. Ho hum. BORED!

But how can this be when I have so much I WANT TO BE DOING?! I had PLANNED to get back to writing on these three rare free days. Instead I have spent time idly sitting at my dining table flipping through magazines…reading about traveling, writing, and other people’s exciting lives. I am looking for inspiration.

I go up to the computer and dive into Facebook and Pinterest, where I can get lost for hours just surfing through posts and pictures… Then I plow through waves and breakers of emails that have piled up since two days ago…

and I find the ads there from Good Reads, Kirkus Review, and Amazon… not to mention some of the dozens of other writer’s blogs I follow…  AND THEN I start BUYING NEW BOOKS like CRAZY… Something I have PROMISED myself to stop doing! But I feel starved for inspiration.

It is as if I am in a trance … blindly feeling my way through the hours, hoping to find something to anchor my mind and latch on to my creativity.

At the end of the day I go to my favorite sofa, curl up with a glass of wine and read… and read… island-hopping between several different authors who currently occupy my reading table. Terry Pratchett, Diane Ackerman, Sarah Woodford, Jean Shinoda-Bolen, Isak Dinesen… I visit each for a few chapters then move on to another. Again I can’t stay focused long. I am still searching for inspiration.

Occasionally a fleeting idea for my own writing slips into my conscious and quickly I grab a pen, scribble it down for future reference. Soon, one of these days I will pull up to shore, drop anchor and disembark on solid ground where I can get back to some serious writing again!!

I remind myself that we are still in that period of ECLIPSE, astrologically speaking… which pulls us into a time of uncertainty and inner searching… a time to allow what has been buried in our subconscious to come up to conscious awareness. This last Saturday’s Solar Eclipse occurred in the sign of Virgo, which puts a strong focus on clearing out the clutter accumulated in our lives and minds over the past months and get re-focused in present time.

I guess I can forgive my lapse of ambition for the moment and enjoy my leisurely jaunt… it is , after all a very rare thing in a busy life… a gift to enjoy and savor while it lasts… kind of a mini vacation.

About Manywoman

I am an eclectic artist and writer, retired from a 35-year career as a PhD sex therapist and counselor at the University of MN Medical School, Program in Human Sexuality. Since retiring in 2005, I have devoted myself to hobbies and pursuits in various art forms and in writing. My art and writing both tend to focus on subjects of women's spirituality and occult mysteries, I read voraciously in most genres, but mainly Occult and urban fantasy, historical fiction, and non-fiction alternative history and religions from female perspective. In addition I am a lover of cats, with five at home with me; an avid collector of fashion dolls; a sewer and creator of art quilts and other fiber arts; a hap-hazard flower gardener; and a retired professional astrologer.
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